Throwing Out My Mask

I have a confession to make! I really want everyone to think I’m better than I am. I want everyone to see me as cool, smart, witty, an amazing cook, the perfect homemaker, wife, mom, canner, gardener, you name it! 

I want you all to believe that if you knocked on my door unannounced, I’d answer wearing a pretty apron, with a plate of something that tastes wonderful, but is somehow, super healthy.  I want you to think my house is  perpetually clean, and that I’m always sweet and patient to my loved ones.

I want you to think that I’m wise, that I have all the answers, and that I never make poor choices. I want everyone to think that I have all the confidence in the world, and that I can handle anything (while smiling, no less!).

Of course I’m not really like that. Who is? It’s funny, but I wouldn’t expect anyone else to be all those things. Why do I want so much for people to see me like that? I have to really try to be honest when I’m posting on social media, because it’s so tempting to try and make myself look like the lady in the mask, you know, the lady that looks like me, but doesn’t have my flaws.  The lady who is comfortable talking to anyone, instead of the real lady who often panics when someone is coming over to have a conversation!  (I promise I’m not snobby, I just don’t always know what to say, so I paste on a big smile and hope I don’t say something awkward!)

The truth is, while sometimes I might actually be some of the things I’ve listed above, I’ll never be all of those things, and I certainly  won’t be them all the time!   Seriously, if you show up at my house unannounced, you’re most likely going to find a mess.  You will see an overflowing basket of laundry in need of folding, dishes in need of washing, shoes everywhere (I’m starting to think they are multiplying.  How can there be so many?), and probably flour on the counter from some baking project I haven’t cleaned up from yet.

If you were to take a look at my yard, you would wonder why I call the big, messy, weedy spot a garden.  While I get a lot of joy from it, my garden will never appear in a magazine, unless the magazine is named “Dog Patchy Homes & Gardens”.  It’s weedy, not planned out well, and I love it!  It’s my messy, unkempt “happy place”, that probably looks like an accident to everyone else.

If you show up unannounced, I might be cooking something from scratch, or I might be feeding my family cold cereal and popcorn,  because everyone complains about everything I cook, and I am tired of it,  so they can just eat cold cereal and quit being whiney babies.  (Sorry about the run on sentence, but you parents out there have probably felt like this a time or two also!)  You might even overhear me impatiently (and loudly) scolding one of the kids for something I told them to stop doing about eleventy million times before I lost my patience!

The older I get, the less worried I seem to become about what other people think of me.  That being said, it’s still very tempting for me to put on my mask and try and look like a paragon of womanhood, instead of the messy, imperfect, hobby obsessed, real woman that I am.  Funny thing about masks, though,  people can usually tell when you’re wearing one, and they are not often fooled.  While I should strive to improve in the areas that need it, there’s no real reason to pretend to be things I’m not.  I guess it’s best to just throw my mask out completely, and be a full time, real me.



4 Replies to “Throwing Out My Mask”

  1. That sounds like of all us really. You kind of just described my life in a nutshell (still working on the dog part). Funny enough, when my kitchen is clean nobody shows up- when it is a mess, everyone wants to drop by!

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